Eden’s 2nd Heavenly Birthday

As a bereaved mom, it can be difficult to know what to do to honor big milestone days like your child’s birthday. A few months ago, as I began to consider what I wanted to do for Eden’s birthday, I was filled with anxiety. I was also simultaneously planning Jude’s first birthday party in November. The harsh contrast between planning a birthday for my child who is here at the same time as I was planning one for my child who isn’t was almost too much to bear. 

The Stella Effect

I felt so relieved when Chelsea from The Stella Effect reached out to me and told me that she wanted to help me with Eden’s birthday celebration. Chelsea is a mom of 3 girls, and her second-born daughter Stella was prenatally diagnosed with Trisomy 18 and lived 39 precious days.

The Stella Effect is a nonprofit organization that aims to “support families who have a child with Trisomy 18 or Trisomy 13 through celebration, advocacy, and community.” One of the things I love so much about the organization is the way that they come alongside families with living children and children who have passed away. As a loss mama herself, Chelsea is very understanding of how complex it can be to plan a birthday for a baby in Heaven. She also understands that celebrating our babies’ milestones is so important, because it is one way that we continue to mother them even when they are not physically here. 

Planning Eden’s birthday

When I began to think about what I wanted for Eden’s 2nd birthday, I realized that my vision was quite different from what I wanted for her 1st birthday. The idea of throwing her a big birthday party, quite honestly, filled me with dread. There is some amount of pressure to perform a certain way around people at large gatherings, and it can be hard to predict how I will feel on the heavy days of grief. I didn’t want Eden’s birthday to feel like a performance, but a genuine expression of my love for her. This was also going to be our first time celebrating Eden’s birthday while also being parents to a living child. The idea of us having a special trip to create lasting memories as a family for Eden’s birthday felt right.

As I brainstormed locations for our trip, I imagined a place with beautiful fall colors. Changing leaves in the autumn remind me of the view that could be seen outside the hospital windows when Eden was in the NICU. I decided that Door County, Wisconsin would make a great location for our trip, because people say that it is especially beautiful in the fall. Planning the trip felt overwhelming at first, but The Stella Effect took over lots of the planning, which was such a relief. They found a house on AirBnb that was right on the water. As my vision for Eden’s birthday started to take shape, the dread that I felt started to transform into excitement. 

We didn’t know this at the time that we planned our trip, but my sister and brother-in-law were going to be staying in Door County. There was going to be a craft fair in Sister Bay, and my brother-in-law’s mom rented a house in Sturgeon Bay that just so happened to be right around the corner from our AirBnb. We were so excited that Eden’s Aunt Lindsey and Uncle Tim could be there to help us celebrate her birthday. It felt like confirmation from God that He wanted us to go on this trip. My mom was also available to come with us, which was a big help with caring for Jude.

The start of our trip

When we arrived at our cottage, we were welcomed with the sweetest surprise ever. We pulled into the driveway to see Eden’s name spelled out in big, lit up marquee letters. The letters were decorated with the most beautiful floral arrangements, including pink roses, which are a special reminder of Eden. We were all moved to tears when we saw it. I loved that I also had a view of the letters from our bedroom window, so I could see her name all lit up at night when we went to sleep. It was incredibly special and one of my favorite parts about our weekend. 

Shortly after we arrived, we had scheduled a photoshoot for family pictures to honor Eden. Olivia from Liv and Remember came to our cottage and took so many beautiful pictures of us next to Eden’s name. She even brought a pink “2” balloon with her for the pictures. As a loss mom, taking family pictures can feel really hard and complex. I’m always looking for ways to represent Eden and her continued role in our family. That’s what made these pictures so special. Eden was visually represented so beautifully in the pictures, and I love that we will have them to look back on in the years to come. 

We had such a fun time in Door County. The colors of the leaves were absolutely stunning, and made me feel Eden’s presence in a really special way. On Friday, the day before her birthday, we went to a Fall Fest with hundreds of vendors selling handmade items. It was in an adorable little town called “Sister Bay”, which felt like a little wink from big sister. 

Eden’s birthday

On the morning of Eden’s birthday, we drove to a place called Eagle Tower in Fish Creek Wisconsin. They had a stroller accessible ramp that we could use to get to the top of a tower overlooking the peninsula. Afterwards, we spent some time exploring the town. Jude got to see some adorable baby alpacas, and we ate a delicious lunch. What “should have been” a really heavy grief day felt surprisingly light. I think Eden would have loved that we enjoyed her birthday so much. 

On the night of Eden’s birthday, my sister and brother in law joined us for dinner at the cottage. My mom made the same soup that she took to the hospital when we were preparing to meet Eden. After dinner, we cozied up by the fireplace and watched Eden’s memorial video. My family had gifted us with a beautiful, soft blanket that had hedgehogs and roses on it. Baylor, Jude, and I snuggled up together with it.

There were a lot of tears as we watched the video, but it was also so incredibly special. Watching videos of our time with Eden really makes the memories come flooding back. It was our first time showing Jude the video, and I loved how attentive he was during it. He seemed to recognize Eden from the pictures that we have shown him. There was one sweet moment in the video where Eden sneezed, and Jude blew a raspberry in response. We all laughed and it was a really special moment. Jude helped make even the heaviest moments of the day feel a little lighter. 

After the video, we sang Eden happy birthday. It was the first time that we have ever sang happy birthday to her. For whatever reason, it did not feel right to sing happy birthday on her first birthday. But this year, it did feel right. The Stella Effect had arranged lots of adorable things for Eden’s little birthday party. She had a beautiful unicorn cake, as well as custom cookies decorated with her name, hedgehogs, and roses.

I feel so loved knowing how many people came together to make Eden’s 2nd birthday more special for us. Our family is so grateful to everyone who texted, called, or sent cards or gifts to let us know that they were thinking of us. Grief can feel so lonely, but this was one day that it didn’t. My heart felt so full knowing that Eden continues to be loved and remembered.  

I wanted to end with a special thanks to each of the vendors that made Eden’s birthday weekend so special with their talents and generosity. 

The Adventure Cottage

Photographer: Olivia @livandremember

Florist: Blossoms Flower House @blossomsflowerhouse

Marquee letters: Alpha Lit Green Bay

Custom cookies: Randi @seattlecookiemomster

Unicorn cake: Monzu Bakery

Finally, a big thank you to The Stella Effect for organizing Eden’s special birthday weekend. If you are looking for a nonprofit organization to donate to, The Stella Effect would be a fantastic choice.

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